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Archive for the ‘Random Life Stuff’ Category

Hello my cube fans!  I’m back and boy did we have an awesome trip!  Just me, the husband, two very demanding poodles all riding in a pick-up with a cab-over camper!  First stop was the Grand Canyon!  So, all over the park there are warnings to NOT hike to the bottom in one day. YOU WILL DIE!  Rescue is NOT guaranteed!  As a matter of fact, they also have a very graphic drawing of a guy on his knees projectile puking his guts while hiking on the canyon trail.  This translates in any language, don’tcha think?!

OK… so I am now a little concerned when my husband announces that we are going to hike down one of those trails to watch the sun come up and this requires us to get started in the dark!  So like a complete asshole, I agree!  So at 4:00 in the freaking ass morning, we get our coats, (its freezing) water, some munchies, headlamps and head down the trail.  Its so dark that without our lights we wouldn’t be able to see a damned thing.  Now mind you, the trail is about three feet wide and there is a sheer cliff that drops down to an ABYSS a few thousand feet below.  I can’t see the ABYSS thank GOD!  And then it starts getting light and now I can see the ABYSS!   Yikes!   The trail is windy and steep, but we are going down… straight down.  We get about a 1/4 of the way down the canyon and the sun is coming up over the horizon.  We sit on boulders and take this all in.  OMG what a site.  You totally forget about all the shit going on in the world!  Its just me, my husband and two random German guys who got there before us.  Yeah, crazy is an international thing.
A moment of silence as you gander at this photo that I took with my Cannon TSi.  (In Manual Mode people!)  Thank god for Youtube!

On the next episode of “Oh No You Di-int”  This is what I call the show, I shouldn’t be alive that’s on Animal Planet

So while we are watching the sun come up, three ladies (in their 50s at least) come hiking up to take in the view.  They claim they are going all the way down to the bottom…hike along the river then come back up on another trail….All in ONE DAY!  They only had day packs with them.  Signs all over the freaking park say DO NOT attempt to go all the way down and back in one day.  They said that they’ve been in training for this hike and that the signs didn’t apply to them.   ALRIGHTY THEN!   So I took a pic of these crazy ladies in case they came up missing, or are on that show “Oh No You Di-int”  and I can say…. HEY I HAVE A PIC OF THOSE WOMEN!  Wonder if they made it? Do you know em?  I’d love to know!  I surely hope they did and had a beer to celebrate that night!!!!!!

Saying good bye to our new Zen Friends, we head down the canyon another 20 minutes or so and take in more view.    You don’t realize how far down the canyon you are going when going downhill! We probably dropped another thousand feet in 20 minutes!  We had sense enough not to go down any further because going back up was going to be a BI-ATCH!  Oh and it was fucking hard!  Huffing and puffing, many rest breaks, but we made it to the top and it was only 9:00am!  We had the whole rest of the day to GET DRUNK!  Yeah buddy!  So as we are close to getting to the trail head, the hoards of tourists are starting to go down the trail.  Old people, fat out of shape people,  babies in packs, little kids wearing flip flops… Are you KIDDING ME? Are you not seeing the two people in fairly good shape having a hard time going UP the hill?    Now I know why they have disclaimers all over the park that say  “We ain’t gonna rescue your dumb ass!”

Another Big Ass Hole (In the ground)  Meteor Crater in Arizona.

Yes, a huge meteor blew into our atmosphere about 5000 years ago and created this huge ass “hole.”  If there was a hole in the ground you bet that we stopped to take a look.  The wind was blowing about 60 MPH at this freaking crater in the middle of nowhere!    We thought our camper was going to tip over.. but boy was this hole cool!  No one is allowed to walk down into it except folks from NASA.  Take a look!

Here is our RV parked at Meteor Crater parking lot about to be blown off the cliff!  Scared the shit out of me!

 

Here is our traveling circus posing in front of yet another big ass “hole” near Sedona AZ.  You can’t really see the hole, but its an ABYSS just on the other side of this rail!

So people of Earth, that is my short little pictorial and essay of the big ass “holes” I saw on my vacation.

Peace to all… and my heart goes out to the victims of Hurricane Sandy.  Give to the Red Cross!

PS.  I heard a rumor that my Cubelife Posse will be posting something soon.  We just had Halloween here in Cubeland and the cube decorations were AWESOME!  Pics to come… I hope!
Your Cube Queen

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It’s a four day work-week for me peeps.  Yes, your cubical highness is heading out for a long overdue vacation.  It’s an old fashioned road trip for me and the husband.  We are packing up the RV, the two poodles and our guns (who doesn’t travel well-armed these days-que banjo music) in a quest for the cheesiest of roadside tourist traps the United States has to offer.  Where is that biggest ball of twine in the world or the cow shit in with the Jesus face you ask?  We are about to find out.  The first stop on our journey out of this God forsaken state where the price of gas will make you sell off a kid to the sex slave market. (I’m just making a sick joke… lighten the f*ck up will ya?) will be the Grand Canyon.  Yes, one of the 7 wonders of the world (I think its 7, I suck at Geography)  Anyhoo, I made reservations at the trailer park on the South Rim where we will have full hook-ups with cable TV for the RV. all for a bargain price of $37.00 a night!  Can’t beat RV’ing!  The guy who took my reservation on the phone tried to talk me into booking a 3 hour mule ride along the canyon rim for $122.00 a person.  I declined.. I have  donkey at home I can ride for free thank you very much (see my prior post)  However, my husband is wanting to do a helicopter ride, which I’m sure will be quadruple the cost of the mule.. Ok the mule ride is looking better now that I see all of this in words..   Once we get our fill of looking at a huge hole in the ground, we will pack up our little circus and head to Phoenix.  What’s in Phoenix you ask?  Freaking nothing… well except some of HIS family.  I guess an old fashioned road trip wouldn’t be complete without visiting relatives you haven’t seen since you were 10.   Sigh..  I’m sure it will be fun.  Where is that poop with the Jesus face?

 Once we do the family thing, we are off to Santa Fe.  MY MECCA!  Oh yes people, this is where all artists go…including me.  I’m also a sucka for anything Native American and oh yes, there will be turquoise shopping.  And the art galleries are off the chain (do people say that anymore? I’m always behind on the current hip lingo…do they say hip anymore?  FUCK I can’t keep up! 

I just love the vibe in Santa Fe.  I can see why all the rich people want to settle there. 

 After my husband pries my hands off of the doors of the art galleries, we shall then truck over to Utah to see more geographical wonders.  Arches.  Yes, we shall buy quarter pounders in Salt Lake..  Lord, do I crack myself up. Ok. For real  we are heading over to the Arches National park where there are huge arch formations made of rock.  I just hope the gift stores at these national parks have good 2013 calendars.. I’m in need. 

So Sionara Suckas all stuck in the cube.  See you in a while.  Just do your best to annoy the crap out of your cube neighbors whilst I’m away. 

 Pease out (do they say that or just that freak Ryan Seacrest?) UGH..

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It’s a donkey you perv.  And she ain’t no ordinary donkey, she’s one mean bad ass (no pun) donkey that will kill you if she wanted.  Seriously this is an attack donkey.  Just ask my dogs.. they stay on the porch when she’s roaming the property.

Her name is Mija and she looks sweet, but she’s anything but.  She bites, kicks, stomps charges and will f*ck you up in a heart beat.

She loves to beat the shit out of coyotes.

She has a weird thing about my car.  When she hears the garage door go up in the morning, she will run to the driveway and purposely keep me from pulling my car out.  She’s made me late for my cube job more than once.

Me: Yeah my donkey wouldn’t let me pull out of the garage this morning. (who would ever believe this BS story?)

Boss:  Uh yeah. Sure..

Me:  I have photos.. look (whip out phone)

Boss: Awe, what a cute little donkey.

Me: Are you f”ing  kidding? Didn’t you see that movie Cujo where that rabid dog kept that lady and her kid trapped in that car for days?  I was prepared to die this morning.  This donkey is Evil.

Boss: She doesn’t look mean

Me:  This donkey is f’ing psycho

This went on every day for a week.  I had photos uploaded onto my FB page but they have disappeared.  I’m pissed at FB right now..I think my donkey has a conspiracy with Mark Zuckerberg.  F’ing donkey.  F’ing Zuckerberg.  Both EVIL and will take over the world.

             Crazy eyes….. 

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I woke up this morning with a small boulder in my eye.  I have no idea how a boulder gets in your eye while you are sleeping, but it happened.  I swear.  So freaking painful.  I tried to sleep in a little until it went away but it just wouldn’t so I get up and head to work.  Trying to drive with a boulder in your eye is really hard.  It hurt so freaking bad that I decided to whip into my doctor’s office to have the boulder removed. Of course my doc couldn’t see me until 3:00pm so they send me to urgent care (Med 7 in Natomas).   I get to urgent care and they don’t open until 9:00.  Really?  OK.  so I sit in my car for an hour waiting with the boulder in my eye.

At 2 minutes until 9:00 I get out of my car and wait in front of their door.  I’m the only one there.  Then all of a sudden a lady in a business suit holding her briefcase and ipad saddles up right next to me in front of the door.  I’m thinking she works there or is a pharmacy rep.  When the worker unlocks the door, I open it and the lady just strides right in…. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!  OK.. I’m still thinking she has business and couldn’t possibly be a patient cutting in line.   She heads right up to the window and said she needs to see a doctor because she isn’t feeling good.  OMG what an f’ing BITCH!  I have a boulder in my eye and she cuts right in front of me.  Some people just don’t give a shit and are so entitled!  If she had been at the door first, I wouldn’t have cut in front of her!!    Of course I didn’t want to cause a scene so I just let the lady get served and let KARMA take care of her later.

PS. I still have a boulder in my eye.

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