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Posts Tagged ‘cubicle’

Hello my cube fans!  I’m back and boy did we have an awesome trip!  Just me, the husband, two very demanding poodles all riding in a pick-up with a cab-over camper!  First stop was the Grand Canyon!  So, all over the park there are warnings to NOT hike to the bottom in one day. YOU WILL DIE!  Rescue is NOT guaranteed!  As a matter of fact, they also have a very graphic drawing of a guy on his knees projectile puking his guts while hiking on the canyon trail.  This translates in any language, don’tcha think?!

OK… so I am now a little concerned when my husband announces that we are going to hike down one of those trails to watch the sun come up and this requires us to get started in the dark!  So like a complete asshole, I agree!  So at 4:00 in the freaking ass morning, we get our coats, (its freezing) water, some munchies, headlamps and head down the trail.  Its so dark that without our lights we wouldn’t be able to see a damned thing.  Now mind you, the trail is about three feet wide and there is a sheer cliff that drops down to an ABYSS a few thousand feet below.  I can’t see the ABYSS thank GOD!  And then it starts getting light and now I can see the ABYSS!   Yikes!   The trail is windy and steep, but we are going down… straight down.  We get about a 1/4 of the way down the canyon and the sun is coming up over the horizon.  We sit on boulders and take this all in.  OMG what a site.  You totally forget about all the shit going on in the world!  Its just me, my husband and two random German guys who got there before us.  Yeah, crazy is an international thing.
A moment of silence as you gander at this photo that I took with my Cannon TSi.  (In Manual Mode people!)  Thank god for Youtube!

On the next episode of “Oh No You Di-int”  This is what I call the show, I shouldn’t be alive that’s on Animal Planet

So while we are watching the sun come up, three ladies (in their 50s at least) come hiking up to take in the view.  They claim they are going all the way down to the bottom…hike along the river then come back up on another trail….All in ONE DAY!  They only had day packs with them.  Signs all over the freaking park say DO NOT attempt to go all the way down and back in one day.  They said that they’ve been in training for this hike and that the signs didn’t apply to them.   ALRIGHTY THEN!   So I took a pic of these crazy ladies in case they came up missing, or are on that show “Oh No You Di-int”  and I can say…. HEY I HAVE A PIC OF THOSE WOMEN!  Wonder if they made it? Do you know em?  I’d love to know!  I surely hope they did and had a beer to celebrate that night!!!!!!

Saying good bye to our new Zen Friends, we head down the canyon another 20 minutes or so and take in more view.    You don’t realize how far down the canyon you are going when going downhill! We probably dropped another thousand feet in 20 minutes!  We had sense enough not to go down any further because going back up was going to be a BI-ATCH!  Oh and it was fucking hard!  Huffing and puffing, many rest breaks, but we made it to the top and it was only 9:00am!  We had the whole rest of the day to GET DRUNK!  Yeah buddy!  So as we are close to getting to the trail head, the hoards of tourists are starting to go down the trail.  Old people, fat out of shape people,  babies in packs, little kids wearing flip flops… Are you KIDDING ME? Are you not seeing the two people in fairly good shape having a hard time going UP the hill?    Now I know why they have disclaimers all over the park that say  “We ain’t gonna rescue your dumb ass!”

Another Big Ass Hole (In the ground)  Meteor Crater in Arizona.

Yes, a huge meteor blew into our atmosphere about 5000 years ago and created this huge ass “hole.”  If there was a hole in the ground you bet that we stopped to take a look.  The wind was blowing about 60 MPH at this freaking crater in the middle of nowhere!    We thought our camper was going to tip over.. but boy was this hole cool!  No one is allowed to walk down into it except folks from NASA.  Take a look!

Here is our RV parked at Meteor Crater parking lot about to be blown off the cliff!  Scared the shit out of me!

 

Here is our traveling circus posing in front of yet another big ass “hole” near Sedona AZ.  You can’t really see the hole, but its an ABYSS just on the other side of this rail!

So people of Earth, that is my short little pictorial and essay of the big ass “holes” I saw on my vacation.

Peace to all… and my heart goes out to the victims of Hurricane Sandy.  Give to the Red Cross!

PS.  I heard a rumor that my Cubelife Posse will be posting something soon.  We just had Halloween here in Cubeland and the cube decorations were AWESOME!  Pics to come… I hope!
Your Cube Queen

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OK..  I’m about out of here for two weeks my cubical comrades, however, before I go I would like to share with you some awesome ways to really annoy your cube neighbor.  You know you have really hit the mother lode if you drive your cube neighbor to see a psychiatrist or a hypnotherapist to help deal with your craaaaaazy ass annoyances!  Ready?  Here goes.

1.  Eat something really slurpee and loud.  Spaghetti, soup, noodles, you get the picture?  Eat it like you are a starving kid in Ethiopia and hadn’t eaten in days.

3. Eat things extremely crunchy and throughout the day.  To get the full effect you must eat with your mouth wide open and chomp like a f*ing horse. If they happen to stop by and see you face to face, keep chomping and let the chips fly out of your mouth as you talk to them.  They won’t stay long, trust me…

4. Collate paper.  Now this sounds like a quiet activity.  However, if done properly by picking up reams of paper and pounding them on your desk several times a minute, it’s a show stopper for sure. You might get some of your papers organized in the process. It’s a multi-tasking thing.

5. Get the crappiest speakers you can find and plug in your MP3 player and well… you know what to do. You will have to get some Intel first though… find out the music your cubical neighbor absolutely hates.  Death metal, Irish clogging music or Bluegrass usually does the trick for most people.

6.  Sigh.   Yes, just sit at your desk and sigh… Often and really loud.  Have fun with it.. make your sighs sound different. Start sighing when you get in and all throughout the day.  Don’t say anything about your sighs… just SIGH!  Isn’t this so simple?  I think there may be some health benefits to you doing this.. I’ll have to go check with Dr. Oz.

7. Use your natural talents God gave ya!   Snort your phlegm, Cough like you smoke 6 packs a day, Fart like a wild ape!  let er rip!  or…. YELL-sneeze (this is my favorite)  Just YELL AAAAAAACCCCHUUUUUUU… and say you have allergies.  This gets them jumping out of their chair from surprise every single time!

8. Talk!    Talk about every single thing you are thinking. EVERYTHING  Don’t hold back and talk to them through the cube wall. Don’t bother getting up!  That’s why cubicles were invented, for your talking convenience!!   Keep talking even if they are on the phone.  Talk talk talk talk.  This  may backfire on you if they are talkers too.  You’ll have to gauge this one.

9.  For the last one… Nine is a good number…  bang on your computer keyboard and your mouse all FUCKING DAY LONG  as if you are a MONKEY ON METH.  This one actually did drive me to a hypnotherapist.

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OMG What god forsaken company is this where they don’t allow clutter?  Who the living hell works in this cubicle?  NO NO NO.. this is NOT the way to live in a cubicle!  No Monkeybutt Powder or McDonald’s toys anywhere!!!  This poor girl only gets to decorate her cube with “useful”  WORK RELATED CRAP?  WTF?! What’s that about?  Her only flair is a small bulletin board with her Dreams written and a couple of wishful photos? Yeah, like thats ever gonna happen.. Dream on Sucka..  

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I woke up this morning with a small boulder in my eye.  I have no idea how a boulder gets in your eye while you are sleeping, but it happened.  I swear.  So freaking painful.  I tried to sleep in a little until it went away but it just wouldn’t so I get up and head to work.  Trying to drive with a boulder in your eye is really hard.  It hurt so freaking bad that I decided to whip into my doctor’s office to have the boulder removed. Of course my doc couldn’t see me until 3:00pm so they send me to urgent care (Med 7 in Natomas).   I get to urgent care and they don’t open until 9:00.  Really?  OK.  so I sit in my car for an hour waiting with the boulder in my eye.

At 2 minutes until 9:00 I get out of my car and wait in front of their door.  I’m the only one there.  Then all of a sudden a lady in a business suit holding her briefcase and ipad saddles up right next to me in front of the door.  I’m thinking she works there or is a pharmacy rep.  When the worker unlocks the door, I open it and the lady just strides right in…. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!  OK.. I’m still thinking she has business and couldn’t possibly be a patient cutting in line.   She heads right up to the window and said she needs to see a doctor because she isn’t feeling good.  OMG what an f’ing BITCH!  I have a boulder in my eye and she cuts right in front of me.  Some people just don’t give a shit and are so entitled!  If she had been at the door first, I wouldn’t have cut in front of her!!    Of course I didn’t want to cause a scene so I just let the lady get served and let KARMA take care of her later.

PS. I still have a boulder in my eye.

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Over the years I’ve seen it all.  I mean coo-coo crazy shit when it comes to cubicle decorating.  Remember a typical cubicle is only about 6×6 feet.  A tall guy couldn’t lay down in his cubicle without having to go into the fetal position.  The inside of the cube is made up of modular furniture that is put together in pieces.  Typically there are bookshelves with sliding front covers.  However no one, I mean NO ONE uses these spaces for book shelves.. (me included)  these valuable surfaces are used to display all of your crap.  When I say crap, I mean nic nacs you pick up at the 99 cent store, crap that was given to you as a gag gift, toys, souvenirs from theme parks and stuff your kids made in 1st grade (they are now in their 20s).  It’s like people purposely go all trailer trash with their cubes.  You might have a totally put-together house right out of Living Magazine, but I bet you my last dollar your cubicle looks like a teenagers junky bedroom.  For example, I had a bottle of Monkey Butt Powder that was given to me as a joke proudly displayed on my shelf for 10 years. Really?  I guess since I sit on my ass 8 hours a day, that monkey butt would have come in handy at some point for my seat rash, Ima thinkin’ so I kept it around, plus the name Monket Butt was so damned funny and sooo work appropriate!

I’ve seen cubes with doll figurines 6 rows deep on risers covering every flat surface. And don’t get me started with the sports teams fanatics… they could open up a sports memorabilia store.  People start collecting and what better place to display all of your collectable McDonald’s happy meal toys from the past 20 years than in your cubicle where lets face it… you get more traffic than your house!

My small collection of crap in my Cube.

Nose glasses??  Really???  Well, they have come in handy on occasion… don’t ask.  I had already thrown out the Monkey butt powder… I wish I hadn’t.   Also, shamelessly plugging my books at work.  Oh yeah..

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