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Posts Tagged ‘state work’

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It’s a four day work-week for me peeps.  Yes, your cubical highness is heading out for a long overdue vacation.  It’s an old fashioned road trip for me and the husband.  We are packing up the RV, the two poodles and our guns (who doesn’t travel well-armed these days-que banjo music) in a quest for the cheesiest of roadside tourist traps the United States has to offer.  Where is that biggest ball of twine in the world or the cow shit in with the Jesus face you ask?  We are about to find out.  The first stop on our journey out of this God forsaken state where the price of gas will make you sell off a kid to the sex slave market. (I’m just making a sick joke… lighten the f*ck up will ya?) will be the Grand Canyon.  Yes, one of the 7 wonders of the world (I think its 7, I suck at Geography)  Anyhoo, I made reservations at the trailer park on the South Rim where we will have full hook-ups with cable TV for the RV. all for a bargain price of $37.00 a night!  Can’t beat RV’ing!  The guy who took my reservation on the phone tried to talk me into booking a 3 hour mule ride along the canyon rim for $122.00 a person.  I declined.. I have  donkey at home I can ride for free thank you very much (see my prior post)  However, my husband is wanting to do a helicopter ride, which I’m sure will be quadruple the cost of the mule.. Ok the mule ride is looking better now that I see all of this in words..   Once we get our fill of looking at a huge hole in the ground, we will pack up our little circus and head to Phoenix.  What’s in Phoenix you ask?  Freaking nothing… well except some of HIS family.  I guess an old fashioned road trip wouldn’t be complete without visiting relatives you haven’t seen since you were 10.   Sigh..  I’m sure it will be fun.  Where is that poop with the Jesus face?

 Once we do the family thing, we are off to Santa Fe.  MY MECCA!  Oh yes people, this is where all artists go…including me.  I’m also a sucka for anything Native American and oh yes, there will be turquoise shopping.  And the art galleries are off the chain (do people say that anymore? I’m always behind on the current hip lingo…do they say hip anymore?  FUCK I can’t keep up! 

I just love the vibe in Santa Fe.  I can see why all the rich people want to settle there. 

 After my husband pries my hands off of the doors of the art galleries, we shall then truck over to Utah to see more geographical wonders.  Arches.  Yes, we shall buy quarter pounders in Salt Lake..  Lord, do I crack myself up. Ok. For real  we are heading over to the Arches National park where there are huge arch formations made of rock.  I just hope the gift stores at these national parks have good 2013 calendars.. I’m in need. 

So Sionara Suckas all stuck in the cube.  See you in a while.  Just do your best to annoy the crap out of your cube neighbors whilst I’m away. 

 Pease out (do they say that or just that freak Ryan Seacrest?) UGH..

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OMG What god forsaken company is this where they don’t allow clutter?  Who the living hell works in this cubicle?  NO NO NO.. this is NOT the way to live in a cubicle!  No Monkeybutt Powder or McDonald’s toys anywhere!!!  This poor girl only gets to decorate her cube with “useful”  WORK RELATED CRAP?  WTF?! What’s that about?  Her only flair is a small bulletin board with her Dreams written and a couple of wishful photos? Yeah, like thats ever gonna happen.. Dream on Sucka..  

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Over the years I’ve seen it all.  I mean coo-coo crazy shit when it comes to cubicle decorating.  Remember a typical cubicle is only about 6×6 feet.  A tall guy couldn’t lay down in his cubicle without having to go into the fetal position.  The inside of the cube is made up of modular furniture that is put together in pieces.  Typically there are bookshelves with sliding front covers.  However no one, I mean NO ONE uses these spaces for book shelves.. (me included)  these valuable surfaces are used to display all of your crap.  When I say crap, I mean nic nacs you pick up at the 99 cent store, crap that was given to you as a gag gift, toys, souvenirs from theme parks and stuff your kids made in 1st grade (they are now in their 20s).  It’s like people purposely go all trailer trash with their cubes.  You might have a totally put-together house right out of Living Magazine, but I bet you my last dollar your cubicle looks like a teenagers junky bedroom.  For example, I had a bottle of Monkey Butt Powder that was given to me as a joke proudly displayed on my shelf for 10 years. Really?  I guess since I sit on my ass 8 hours a day, that monkey butt would have come in handy at some point for my seat rash, Ima thinkin’ so I kept it around, plus the name Monket Butt was so damned funny and sooo work appropriate!

I’ve seen cubes with doll figurines 6 rows deep on risers covering every flat surface. And don’t get me started with the sports teams fanatics… they could open up a sports memorabilia store.  People start collecting and what better place to display all of your collectable McDonald’s happy meal toys from the past 20 years than in your cubicle where lets face it… you get more traffic than your house!

My small collection of crap in my Cube.

Nose glasses??  Really???  Well, they have come in handy on occasion… don’t ask.  I had already thrown out the Monkey butt powder… I wish I hadn’t.   Also, shamelessly plugging my books at work.  Oh yeah..

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